Dealing With Anger

Dealing With Anger

Based on Matthew 5:21-26, Dr.Goh gave a very instructive message on dealing with anger. Being a professional psychologist as well as a devout Christian leader, he was able to help us understand fundamental aspects of this whole critical area of anger management.

In this portion of the Sermon of the Mount, our Lord Jesus proceeded to set a higher standard of holiness that had been unheard of up to that point of time. The man who looks lustfully at a woman is as good as an adulterer, the man who hates his neighbor is as good as a murderer. The idea is that of “intent” and “premeditation”. All sin starts with a seed in the mind which grows and eventually expresses itself in action. Uncontrolled anger, will indeed quickly lead to sinful action.

However, it is important for us to realize that anger itself is not sin. Ephesians 4:26 states that “in your anger, do not sin”. Anger is an emotion like happiness and sadness. The Lord Himself became angry on several occasions, most notably when he drove out the merchants from the temple. The Lord’s actions are always righteous, and He acted in these instances out of righteous anger. God feels angry when we sin and continue to sin. The speaker’s most vivid picture of perfect anger management was when Jesus hung in great torment on the cross. He must have felt angry at the insults and blows given by the very people He came to save, but by the power and grace of God, He chose pray for their forgiveness instead. There are many examples in history how anger can be conquered by love.

The theme of the message is to move from anger to reconciliation. However, it is not easy. It is a very difficult thing to manage anger. A very powerful poem quoted by the speaker shows how a whole great poison tree sprouted from a small seed of anger. We become angry when our expectations are not met, when we are faced with unfairness, and for many of us, we become most angry with ourselves.

Dr.Goh then proceeded to give us a 5 Step Model on Anger Management, which we will do well to remember, for all of us will continue to face anger in our lives.

(1)     Detect the anger – Firstly, we must first acknowledge anger when it surfaces within us. Denial will not heal us, it will only drive the poison deeper which will eventually explode like a flaming volcano. When we suddenly find ourselves short tempered, forgetful, unfocused, making rash decisions and impatient, it may be a sign that we have an anger issue. Physically, anger may also cause us to have more aches and pains, be flushed in the face and have higher blood pressure. We need to pay attention to the emotional and physical changes that we see in ourselves. When we realize we have an anger issue, the first step is to recognize it and accept it.

(2)     Stop – Secondly, once we’ve realized we are angry, we need to stop and control ourselves. If we continue following our current emotions, we will only continue to hurt others and ourselves.

(3)     Release – Once we’ve stopped and controlled ourselves, we must then release  the pent-up energy. Exercise is an excellent way to get rid of a lot of “anger” energy. As Christians, we also have the most excellent source of comfort – prayer to the mighty God. Prayer at this point is no longer about muttering ritualistic words, but a completely honest pouring out of our feelings to God, telling Him exactly how we feel. Many times, the Psalmists were angry with God and said so in quite incredible words. Pouring out our feelings to God is not disrespecting God but being honest, and our relationship with God will certainly grow through our honesty.

(4)     Identify – Once we have released some of our pent-up emotion and have reached a calmer state, we should think back and identify the source of our anger. Are we really angry with another person, ourselves or God?

(5)     Reconcile – Finally, once we’ve identified the source, we should take the initiative of making peace, which brings us to the final portion of this morning’s passage about making peace with an angry brother/adversary before bringing a sacrifice to God. With another person, we need to pray for wisdom, love, patience and help from God before attempting the reconciliation. With ourselves, we need to forgive ourselves, accept our weaknesses and strive to be better next time with God’s help. With God, we need to pour out our feelings to Him and help us to understand and trust Him despite the circumstances. 

May the Lord give each one of us the strength, patience and humility to face our anger in holiness, and focus on reconciliation, peace and love. Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called sons of God.

God bless,

Jason