Rivalry and Favoritism

Rivalry and Favoritism

Last Saturday, we were privileged at SIB to have brother Fergus Ong give his debut sermon. With the theme of the month being focused on the family, brother Fergus shared a deep message on family values based on a review of the family lives of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Basically, there were two main themes running through these families that caused all sorts of conflicts and problems, namely Rivalry and Favoritism. In Abraham’s family, there was early rivalry between Sarah and Hagar before Isaac was born and later Isaac and Ishmael who taunted his younger brother. This led to Sarah forcing Abraham to send Hagar and Ishmael away. In Isaac’s family, the rivalry was even more pronounced with the twins Jacob and Esau. Even from the womb, Jacob grasped at the heel of Esau indicating his desire to come out first. In coming out second, it was akin to starting a cup final already one goal down. Esau, as firstborn, already by birth had all the privileges both materially and spiritually, especially in the society of the day. As Jacob and Esau grew, they went very different paths, but their rivalry was still very apparent. Esau was a man of the outdoors, a strong hunter, while Jacob stayed behind in the tents. Esau was impulsive and proud, but Jacob was reflective and a thinker. We learn here how rivalry in the family need not necessarily occur in the same field, but from different areas.

From young, intelligent Jacob already understood and desired the privileges of birthright while thoughtless Esau thought nothing of it, even despising it. When the moment of opportunity came, when Esau came in famished and desired the soup Jacob was cooking, Jacob asked Esau for his birthright and he foolishly traded it for a bowl of soup.

At the same time of this rivalry between the brothers, their parents made it even worse by Favoritism. Isaac who had a taste for wild game quickly favored Esau the hunter, while Rebekah favored Jacob the younger who spent more time with her in the tents. As Isaac aged and his eyesight became poor, he felt that he would not live for much longer and sought to give his final blessing to his firstborn Esau. Knowing this, Rebekah quickly plotted to have Jacob put on goatskins on his arms so that he would appear hairy like Esau and go to Isaac with his favorite meal. Isaac faithfully got conned that day and gave the firstborn’s blessing to Jacob instead of Esau. Esau was furious and planned for the day when he could take revenge on Jacob.

Knowing this, Rebekah quickly sent Jacob away to her brother Laban until Esau’s anger subsided. In Laban’s home, the twin problems of rivalry and favoritism occurred all over again. Jacob the deceiver ended up being deceived by Uncle Laban into marrying Leah as well as his desired Rachel, and having to work another 7 years for Laban. In that time, Jacob plotted and rivaled with Laban over the flocks put under his care.

Later, Rivalry grew between the two sisters, Rachel and Leah, with Jacob clearly favoring Rachel. The rivalry extended to each giving their maidservants to Jacob to have more children through them. Later, Jacob continued this trend of favoritism by favoring Joseph among all his brothers.

What was the result of all the Rivalry and Favoritism? Family strife, politicking and scheming, betrayal and pain. How different indeed is God’s plan for the family unit. For husbands to love their wives, for children to obey their parents, for brothers and sisters to live together in unity. The main lesson for us from this story is that we must guard against rivalry and favoritism but instead foster unity and love. Parents must guard even against perceived favoritism and always be alert to hear what their children have to say. As far as possible, we must not let children grow up with harbored hurt or perceived injustice on our part. In the rivalry between children, we must take the effort to point them towards a common goal, that there need not be a winner and a loser between them, but they can be both winners and excel and support each other to be the best that each can be.